Love is

what makes you smile when you are tired :-)

Strange as it may sound about smile today. i have had some real tough weeks in last few months. Plans not working out, relationships with myself on all time low. i decided to pull myself out, few steps and again its same story. Being an achiever, i don't want to give up. i love life with all its variations, colors, quirkiness, kindness and smiles.

i'm going to be in more touch with myself, doing things that make me want to live so that there's no space for anything soul challenging. There are no explanations, its just me!

Last month of Year, last trip to City

i have some of the beautiful memories from 2013, like trip to finance capital, weddings in family, new set of wheels, vacation in valley of flowers, camping with adventure activities at Nahan, Diwali with a difference, going to school after 18 years to watch a sports day...wow!! i count my blessings and looking forward to closing the year with a smile as well :-)

There's disappointment too, not from the year but myself who relentless put efforts in giving shape to dreams but failed. After so many years of professional working, i have neither energy nor resources left for dare to dream - either to set up a new venture or trust in relationships. This year has had its share of people moving away without communicating, relationships becoming demanding without improving. i love being with happy souls - everyone does! Its an empty feeling now and i will be working perhaps to pull myself together for New Year with a belief of everything turning out just fine :-)

This city has been instrumental in broadening my perspective, and the two and half years that were spent visiting are holding some secrets. Last year i suffered a crash, and this year too i'm witnessing one. Both are emotional - one personal and other professional, but devastating as it is. i don't think i'm willing to allow myself further burning and is almost ready to call it a day. Wish me best!!

Diwali weekend

This weekend is as interesting as expected. Someone has correctly said - Thoughts become Things. We sometimes identify it as intuition too.

Travelling to another city for gifts, change of place so far has been fulfilling. i haven't gone to any market, not shopped neither had pleasant days - why you may ask. Reason is simple. Even before i had actually started journey, somewhere, it was on mind that trip is going to be everything, except for meeting expectations :-)

Nov 2012

Never before was I cheated,
Never before was I dishonored,
Never before was I alone,
As i'm now.

Never before door was locked,
Never before eyes were wet,
Never before love was lost,
As it is now.

God send

i had one of the best weekend - my type, full of fun, frolic, adventure activities, water splashing and most importantly close to nature, away from crowd.

This was one of the break that was well planned, and i was hoping to have good quality time. However, man proposes and God disposes. With good amount of tantrums thrown in, trip started with a tear in eye. Various thoughts kept the mind conversation going. We reached the beautiful place and i decided to soak in as much. Water stream had a calming effect :-)

Soon after breakfast, activities started. Since most of team members were participating first time in adventure sports, i was asked to go first on rope ladder! It was mind-blowing - completely! An act of balance, i made good fun of myself with the gymnastic! A mind opener for me - just after i touched ground, my faith in God got even stronger .My belief reinstated that no matter what life treats you with, supreme being is watching you and is going to take care, when everyone else refuses!

Rest of the stay was all good, with the conviction is God staying with me throughout then, and in times to come!

Monsoon weekend

i love life. Missing roly-poly :-)

Want to break free

There is nothing wrong in “officially” wanting to get married. However, that is not the point here. I don’t want to get married to you anymore. What I want is –

Happiness of coming back home – at whatever time of day / night, without being subjected to cold vibes of sister-in-law.

• Being home where nobody judges you by the clothes I wear or things I carry
• A home where parents are taken care of – not starved to death
• A place of well-being, radiating positive energies rather of suffocation, emotional turmoil
• A husband who doesn’t keep friends with his ex-es, especially when I have voiced my discomfort
• Being fit enough to be there for my kid as s/he / twins grow :D
• Family where in nobody feels crushed
• Father, who is more participative and acknowledging

I will marry only when my guy proposes me on his knees, is desperate to get married J

Another weekend spent @ home, with myself. Every week brings its own thoughts, hits and misses. This month had been very busy @ work, exhausting, bringing another dimension to people's mind. i learnt [again] that no matter de efforts i put in, everyone is going to be dissatisfied. Expectation mismatch!

i had to struggle emotionally as not to allow any personal life instance to not to affect life otherwise. An eternal struggle, isn't it?! Every attempt to have a sane conversation went futile. Busy-ness, fluctuating moods, too many things on plate, commitments, of other kept me away. i have been all positive in situations, sharing thoughts through various channels, without stepping into personal space, and still landed in dog-house! Now i don't understand that how will i get answers to questions which mind has been posing..

• why can't people understand de importance of savings?
• why does self needs come before work required to make a relationship success?
• why do people have to hide things - keep everything password protected?
• why do they have to use strong negative words?
• why can't they understand power of love?
• why procrastinate?

i may need to meditate to find peace, purpose of existence...wish me de strength

Ciao!